My life though is stressful.
I gave Adam a year to be bankrupt when he left. He has absolutely no money skills and when he left was living large. He wasn’t being careful the way we were while we were married. I think he criticized me for the way I handled money. He used to say "Live now, while your young" and get mad at me. He has been gone for 7 months now. I try to help him, but he doesn’t even see my help. He has gotten into gambling as well with his poor financial skills. It is a nightmare basically for him I think.
Our marriage wasn’t perfect financially. There is a confession. There are things we could have done better, but hindsight is always better isn’t it. I was getting us on our feet though when he left.
Now though he has gone over 10 thousand dollars more in the hole on his own accord. This is not me, nor my fault. I have not added to my own debt.
Any ways, he is talking to debt consolidation and reduction company. I really hope they accept him and help him with his money. If they don’t though, he is talking about bankruptcy.
This is stressing me because like our child support agreement is not through the department of child services, it is an agreed to amount. He has paid and all that faithfully since he left, so I have no issues. I have people looking into it with an attorney though if bankruptcy will affect this since it isn’t court ordered.
He keeps telling me "Thanks for putting him in a box" which this totally isn’t my fault. He has child support which is within a reasonable range for his income and his portion of our marriage debt was about 2/3 that of mine, but his income was quadruple, what mine is. I also took the house and all the house payments which there is almost no equity in the house right now.
Anyways, this is stressing on me and it stresses on me that he is blaming me. I know it shouldn’t everyone that I talk to says it isn’t my fault, but he is telling everyone that I am putting him in a box and blah blah blah. I don’t know what to do, but watch him squirm as I don’t have the money to bail him out and if I did bail him out. I still think he would turn around and get in this same situation all over again.
]]>She is now moving on to the next phase of life and a stressful one for me. She will be with child care two days a week with me working my new job. This is a huge stress on me. She is with her dad the other 3 days, so that is good. I do prefer her with him. I wish I could just snuggle with her all the time.
I have such mixed feeling about all this. It is just crazy.
]]>So, I took this old junker bus for my morning routes and of all the days for a parent to come tell me I sucked well it had to be today. Yeah, a parent come and told me what a lousy driver, I was and that I should be worried about my job. I back up to fast into there driveway.
I was good though and didn’t say anything, but my mind was going.
I think I could walk home from here and this jerk can have my job and this cruddy bus with it.
How exactly is it that you can back into a driveway to fast anyways?? I mean the faster you get out of the way of traffic the better right?? I really feel stupid for this, but I have never hit there mail box or anything like that. What is the issue honestly?? I really think this guy was just having a bad day like me, so he decided it was my day with that bullseye on my face??
I went to breakfast with Lyn when I got back. Adam picked Kyra up at the restaurant. I went to Circuit City did my job there. I went to Walmart did my job there. I had every intention of going to Manpower about a job after that, but I got there and there was a note on the door be back at 12:45, so that was that. I wasn’t waiting. I than had every intention of going to the college admissions office and getting some of my junk started there, but I go there and there was a note on the door be back at 1:30.
Well, I really much have a bullseye on my face today. What do you think?
I came home for a few hours, rested… I guess.
I left with that old junker bus to go get my new junker bus. Let me just say that I am highly disappointed. I will just call this motivation though to quit driving. I really am going to get a new job sometime soon here. I went from having my nice bus with 40,000 to this one with 110,000 miles on it. No, it probably isn’t a bad bus. I am just sad about the whole thing though, it is an easy downgrade. The seat isn’t even comfortable.
I did my routes though and the kids about 1/2 seemed to hate it and 1/2 liked it. I got home and Stephen was here which was a nice surprise. We ended up going and getting his parents TV that was being repaired…finished… and then ate at Sheetz. How simple huh??
I got a call from Robin that she needed a designated driver. I came home from being with Stephen and jumped in my car off to get them. I got them, got back home and Kyra was here waiting on me. Now, here I am holding her and typing this, she has had a crazy day to with her grandfather. His hip surgery was supposed to be today, but his blood was too thin, so they postponed it until tomorrow morning at 6 am. He spent the day in the hospital, which is probably good. Hopefully the got him to do those exercises they tried to before the surgery…not sure if doing them one time will help though. Who knows…
Well, that was my crazy mostly sad day. I should have a much better day tomorrow because can you get worse?? Well, yeah it could be worse, so let’s hope not. Have a great night.
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She must have laid in the corner here right where she is eating in this picture (This is July 27th picture. The only picture I got of her this day. She eats inside here where the lighting isn’t as good. I got better of the other two.) This afternoon and had a heart attack (I think.). Her eyes were open and she was just dead. She did look peaceful as can be in her death.
I got Charcole when she was a baby in 1996. She is the black goat here. She is the reason I bought this home. I had to have a place to put her. She has always been a friend.
I buried her in the yard by the barn. Earl came with his tractor and dug the hole it is so dry, I tried with the shovel behind my tears and it just didn’t work. She isn’t in really deep, but she is in a good place. She liked it out there.
She had a good life as far as a goat goes. She has always been fed good and always had an outdoor area to eat. A spoiled goat. She has produced only about 8 kids which isn’t a lot for a goat. Of those 8, only two were nannies.
I will miss her though, she was always so nice to visit with when I went to the barn. She was my highlight for the most part. I am not sure if I will continue to even have goats from here out. It is undecided, as it will be so different.
]]>However, we went to the bank got that stuff situated. We went to the car insurance talked to them, pretty much have it situated, but have to go do the final stuff on Monday. We went to the lawyer with our agreements as far as everything goes and he is going to put them into a legal contract for us. We also, like I said signed the divorce. It isn’t final though for at least 90 days, but when we both go sign it again.
We went to the courthouse and got an old mortgage taken off the deed which was sort of old business that I had just never done. The flowers at the center of town were beautiful today. We went to lunch with Stan at the Chinese Restaurant.
Yeah, I know it is strange to run around with together figuring out the division of your goods. I think it is much easier though than the fighting way that seems to be the normal. There are questions flying off to both of us in all these meetings.
Yeah, than when we got home we went ahead and made it even weirder. We went to the Community Fair.
Adam and Kyra were riding on the dizzy cars. Both look like this is fun though don’t they?? I was getting a little loopy just watching them though.
We came home and Adam went to our neighbors for some drinks with them. They tell him divorce horror stories like most people seem to have. I have to say, I don’t think I will be telling those stories.
It has been a day, so I am off to bed. Good Night…
]]>The remembrances started off with one of her cousins saying about how she always hugged you when she met you and when you left. She did do this, it was like being swallowed up into her arms. That had everyone crying and crying, one lady got up and like ran to the restroom.
The burial site was nice too. She is like right on a hill with a view like over toward some mountains. I wonder if she picked the location out or if it was a family spot. I didn’t ask…
Her grandpa said that she thought of me like a sister. I thought that was nice. I have to admit though, I never thought of her as a sister. I was more motherly with her in my opinion. She always seemed to need help or a nice long lecture when she was around me. I did a few times go with her out to her grandpa’s house and to the pool to go swimming.
I did the somersault into that pool while 8 1/2 months pregnant with Kyra that leap made her turn from breech position to normal position about this time of year two years ago. She had me in one of those gigantic hugs of hers when I was screaming as Kyra was trying to rip out my interiors during this internal turn. That is the most sisterly time that I ever shared with her.
The funeral also made me thing about my own funeral. I mean who would expect Sara to die. She was 24 after all.
My funeral. I told Adam to have just a viewing and have me cremated. He should put my ashes in behind our house looking out over the landfill mountain. I don’t want one of these long sad services. I hope everyone just keeps on keeping on.
I know you are supposed to mourn and all that. It is something I don’t wish on people with me though. I don’t know why that is, but this is serious. I wouldn’t want people to be sad.
He should post onto my blog site the details of what happened to me and maybe pass it onto someone else to continue or end it at his choose of course. He knows where all the passwords to every online account I own are, so he should go check them out. I have quite a few accounts with money in them online that I don’t collect very often, say annually. Many of those accounts can continue to make small amounts of money.
Well, that is all. It was so sad. I had never been to a Catholic funeral either, all the tradition in that is so strong. It was interesting just seeing some of those.
]]>I have talked about her on this site before, usually in paid posts referring to drug treatment centers or something like that.
I have predicted that she wouldn’t live to see her 30th birthday because she was always doing drugs and getting herself beat up. She never hung around the “nice” crowd. She pushed the people that tried to help her away.
Well, she died and it wasn’t her fault. She was sober and clean, she had been for a few months now. She had a job. She was by all counts on her way.
I am now saddened by her loss, Sara at just 24 had a lot of life still to live. I just was down hugging her mom. It is one of those times when all you can do is offer a hug.
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Today was the day that bullet got taken to his new home. I know I wasn’t going to go watch him be sold, but I couldn’t help it. I wish now I would have stayed home as I do every time I sell one of my animals at a livestock auction.
Bullet did fine though, he sold for $34.00, which made me net $30.50. That sucks, but this was a bad day for an auction and he was the most expensive goat that they sold. Goat prices are way down here too. You could have bought a feeder baby at the auction today for $4. Yeah, that is just ridiculous.
Bullet was sold to the meat marketer though, so his fate is now sealed pretty much. He is going to be a Greek delicacy. I can’t think of this though because I can’t keep every goat that is born here. I just have to be grateful for the ones that I can and do have.
Here is the last little butt shot of him as he left the ring.
My husband says that by posting pictures of my nasty toe that I am going to loose readers. I want everyone to look at there healthy little toes though and appreciate that they are healthy little toes because they could be like this toe. Black and blue and oozing with blah….and about to be cut open with surgical knife.
Also next year when I read this posting…I can appreciate how my toe is back in order and looking nice again.
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